Q: Did you notice anything prior to your diagnosis that made you
think that you might have a mental illness? and if so what?
A: My dad
has clinical depression and his family has a long history of it. My dad also
has had a problem with alcoholism for a really long time, and discovering this
was a sort of trigger for me you could say. I became very depressed and
developed some unhealthy eating habits. This lasted for probably 4 months
before I went to see a psychiatrist, so it was my longest depressive phase. But
after my diagnosis, looking back I could recognize many other depressive and
manic phases I had gone through in the years previous.
Q: When were
you diagnosed?
A: I was
diagnosed in March of 2012 at the age of 16.
Q: What was your first reaction when you received the diagnosis?
A: It came
as kind of a shock. I was expecting a diagnosis of depression, not bipolar.
Hearing that word made me think of crazy and uncontrollable mood swings, which
I didn't feel applied to me.
Q: What changes did you have to make in your life to accommodate
this disorder?
A: One
change is taking medication every day, which can be kind of hard. But I think
the biggest change was being able to recognize when I was entering different
phases and act accordingly. So when I knew I was getting depressed, I had to
pull back from my friends a little and learn to say no to doing things. This
was a change just because it's not something most teenagers have to deal with.
Q: How did you see your bipolar affecting those around you?
A: As I
said, it was hard with my friends because they didn't understand why I would
have days or weeks when I didn't want to hang out or didn't seem to be myself.
It also strongly affected my relationships with members of my family. The
hardest was my dad because I resented him for a long time because this disorder
came from his side of the family. Whenever I was depressed, I was so angry at
him. Also, I had struggles with my mom for a long time when she tried to
understand what I was feeling and I didn't think she did because she didn't
have a mood disorder. Things are better with all these relationships now that
I've learned to deal with my emotions better, but it can still be hard.
Q: What is the hardest thing have having bipolar disorder?
A: There are
a lot of hard things, but I think the hardest thing about having bipolar
disorder is living with the social stigma. People use the word bipolar so much
to describe things that are uncontrollable, unpredictable, and just all over
the place. Most people think that's how people with bipolar are, and that they
are just crazy people with extreme mood swings. It can be difficult to live
with this stigma and not start to think that about yourself.
Q: What advice would you give to those who have bipolar and their
families?
A: I would
say to not let bipolar define you. That social stigma I was talking about can
have some very negative effects, and if we define ourselves by society's
beliefs, we actually do become that stigma. It is important to understand what
bipolar is and that it does affect our lives and always will, but that it isn't
who we are. My advice to families would just be to be patient. Bipolar can be
very scary, especially for teens who are already struggling with so much
without a mental disorder on top of it. Don't try to act like you know exactly
what they're going through, but do listen and just make sure they know you love
them. Don't take any outbursts personally, because they usually aren't.
Q: Is there
anything else that you would want other people to know about what you have gone
through or that would help others going through this struggle?
A: As I said, don't let bipolar define you. That's one of the most
important lessons I've learned, but it took me over three years to figure it
out. Another thing that has helped me out a lot is religion. I know not
everyone has the same beliefs as me, but I honestly don't think I could be at
the point I'm at today without my religion. So I guess I would just say, find
some religion or belief that gives you hope, even in the face of a mental
disorder. Bipolar disorder can be so discouraging, but I think hope can be
found and we can use our trials to become better people.
